Why Did I Start Using Drugs?

After finishing the Detox program, I was for the first time in a long time feeling FREE. In better control of my body, better physical shape and also in a better mood. But I was more excited and I couldn’t wait to start working with my mind.

In the past, I quit drugs before, once for 7 months, but I wasn’t strong enough to continue to be drug free. So I knew that the next step of the Narconon Program was the most important part of the program for me. Still, I could not have guessed what I would experience.

I can really say that this experience was EYE OPENING for me, in both meanings. After that, I could see better and understand more about myself, and my past mistakes. Also, the exercises that I did after the sauna gave me the ability to see better: I have an increased ability to spot details in the environment, I couldn’t do this before. While I was doing these drills I had many realizations about what I used to do, my mistakes, but every time I had such a realization, it came with some solution. Of course, at the time I felt regret for what I did, but knowing that I can't go back in time, and also knowing that I can make up for my mistakes with my family, girlfriend, and work, makes me feel optimistic about the future.

I realized what kind of monotone, boring, selfish, harmful life I was living, how I was handling problems —in fact I wasn’t—how I was influencing my family life. I also saw what taking drugs was doing to me.

It “ate“ my self-esteem, when I wanted to do something I wasn’t doing it because I wasn’t sure of myself or I was afraid what others would think about me. This behavior now all seems so unrealistic to me. Also in doing the drills, I had a realization about myself. This is the one that surprised me the most. All this time, when I was using drugs, and also here in Narconon, I was always thinking “Why did I start using drugs?” And up to that point, my only explanation was that I was just young, stupid and curious. It’s not that this isn’t true, but still didn’t answer my question—WHY ? And then all of a sudden, while I was doing these drills, I had a realization: I used drugs not because I was unhappy or unlucky, it wasn’t somebody else fault—it was just mine. I feel like all my senses became sharper: my touch, my vision—I sometimes felt like they gave me superpowers.

At this moment, I am more oriented in my environment. I can see that two objects may look the same, but they have some differences. One drill made me realize what little confront I had with girls, in another drill I learned to take credit for things I do, as opposed to before, I used to invalidate myself.

I feel like my mind is finding solutions for every problem that I have.

Before when people used to say to me how to do something, I was angry inside, now I can appreciate
a tip.

And finally, I just want to say that these drills gave me a better understanding of myself and everything around me. From this point on, I will do everything better and faster than before.

A.S.—Narconon Balkan Student