Personal Values Course

 

In the Personal Values course, I saw that I used my family’s pain and my parents’ not talking to each other to manipulate them and cause them financial damage. I took advantage of their weakness to selfishly get what I wanted. I very consciously knew that at those moments, they would do anything to make me happy and protect me because they were carrying the guilt of their divorce; instead, I should have protected them and tried to rebuild their relationship.

I tore them apart even more. And with what I thought was “being a good older sister and cool sister,” I was actually damaging my sister and enabling her to harm herself. I have used and abused the endless amount of love and care these people have given me and repaid them with shame, disrespect, and hurt.

As much as it pains me, I must admit this to myself, never mind to them or anyone else. I have to admit it and give myself a chance to repay them in a way they deserve and not take for granted that I get to start over.

“They never gave up on me, and I can't give up on myself or them in the future.”

They never gave up on me, and I can’t give up on myself or them in the future. I have been selfish, and everything that I had gotten from them, I have used to further destroy myself, which is the most hurtful thing I could’ve done to my family.

They would’ve given their life for me, and I was throwing mine away and dragging them down with me. I can’t change the past, but I can definitely shape and control the future, and old mistakes will never be made again.

These six months have probably been the most peaceful for them, knowing that I’m safe and sound and becoming a better person than at any moment in the past 36 years!

Student Narconon Balkan